Our Last 19 Dollars

I'm not going to lie or even pretend that we are rolling in the dough right now. Yesterday we spent our last $19 to pay for the postage to send samples of our new collection to Hypebeast. Yeah look out for us at http://www.hypebeast.com in the next couple weeks for our feature. But anyways, the reason I'm blogging today is to explain the emotion and feeling that I went through when I spent our bank account down to zero dollars and zero cents.

At the start of September, I ran my normal cash flow analysis and quickly realized that cash is going to be tight until the new season dropped. From the last couple posts, you can probably tell that dropping a new cut and sew collection ain't cheap at all. So when I swiped the "Vane Card" for the last time yesterday, I experienced an emotion that I never experienced before. It was an odd concoction; it was part fear, love, anxiety, adrenal, pain, and trust. It’s not a feeling that most 23 year olds feel very often, and I internalized that it wasn’t an emotion that I was used to having.

That odd emotion did fade, but the residue of it is still with me today. I have spent a lot of time both unconsciously and consciously thinking about that emotion. During the day, I do lots of activities. I work, eat, sleep, think about vane, daydream about meg, run, smoke, drink, and pray. Yesterday and today, I can tell that I’m not in the same state of mind as I’m used to. Everything I have done, since I swept the “Vane Card” for the last time is different than I remember it.

All I can say is that emotion I felt is a pungent emotion and one worth reflecting on.

As of Today, there are a very few things I know for sure.

I love meg
I trust Eric and Atif to design a dope collection
I know the Pre-Spring Collection is dope
Vane risked it all this season – not only our money, but our time, our shot at success, and our livelihoods.

Everything else is changing.