Company c-r-u-n-k.

It's company holiday party season, which is NewAmerican for "awkward free open bar."

No blackout no blackout no blackout. Really, your coworkers drink a lot, and you can try to keep up with them, just no blackout no blackout OK please?

Whatever you do, don't do SoCo shots with the mail guy. Don't chase with champagne, and don't don't do not call your ex's parents as you totter off to somewhere to something.

That was the mindset I took into my first company holiday party. I was a new hire, I didn't know anyone, except a few of my bosses and vague instructions to talk to a friend of a friend who had red hair but not in a creepy way.

I hung around my two bosses, and tried to keep pace with them, drinkwise, all the while keeping my gameplan in the forefront:

1. Drinks

2. Dinner

3. Ditch.

I would be charming, somewhat quiet, nurse my drinks and be among the first to leave. The next day I would make small talk in the elevator about what a nice evening we all had together and can you believe they had crab cakes, amazing.

While I spun the scenario, my coworkers finished their drinks, and I was back at the bar. 10 minutes, more, rinse and repeat. I tried to maintain composure, and then someone brought me champagne. I think it was another one of my bosses.

My hands, (or my liver's hands ... metaphorical hands) were tied. Tied and battered.

Happy holiday party season.

Don't go blackout, it's harder than it seems.